If only.

"It's okay. It doesn't really matter."

I find my inner voice telling me that several times a day. Just look away, or erase the memory. Do something else, don't stay here. Watch some brainless tv, take your mind off what's there. Go play with the little tiger, let him bite you to your senses. After all, it shouldn't matter anymore. Right?

But as my heart drips tears, I am so achingly aware that, if it didn't matter, then what am I doing here?