Re-opened.

It was a wound that had taken forever to start healing.

Then they laughingly took a knife to it and stabbed, and stabbed, and stabbed...

Dare you to move.

The melodious riffs from the acoustic guitar.
The build-up from the beats of the bass.
The long, tugging whines of the electric guitar.
The definite rhythm of the percussions.
The smooth rise and fall of the vocals.
The emotions behind the unexpected falsetto.

Sometimes the words become superfluous.

Perfectly Simple

Dear Client

Thank you for your prompt email; you must have had a lot of time on your hands to have replied me within the hour. I wish all my clients were as efficient as you are.

In your email, you had wanted to make some grammatical changes to the press release I had written for you. Before we get to that, I would like to express my utmost displeasure with having to write your product's press release for you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have always assumed that organisations write their own press releases and pass them on to magazines to have them published. After all, they should know their own products more than anyone else. But, no matter, maybe the times have changed, as volatile as this industry is. I have done my research and have written, in my humble opinion, an extremely exaggerated article on your product. I probably know more about your company than you do now.

Now on to the main subject. Instead of putting your MBA to good use, my dear Marketing Manager, you have chosen to correct my "grammer". I now have the most unfortunate task of having to explain to you why I had used the term "has become" instead of your preferred "has became".

It is called the Present Perfect. It expresses an action that is still ongoing, or that had stopped recently, but has an influence on the present. It places emphasis on the result. For Present Perfect Tense, we use:

[HAS/HAVE] + [PAST PARTICIPLE].
For example, "You [have] [gotten] on my nerves."

The problem, for your case, lies in the word "become". Because it is an irregular verb, its Past Participle is the same as its Base Form, which is, "become". So,

become became become

Hence, the sentence "Through the years, the brand XXX has became synonymous with quality" is grammatically wrong. I was right. If you still disagree with my explanation, I invite you to find evidence that proves your stand. Your failing to do so will simply make you look like a dullard to your boss, of whom I've cc-ed this email to. I may not claim to have a perfect command of the English Language, but I know enough to have my job and have enough clout to say, "You Suck."

Thank you for your time, and I sure am looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely

p/s The plural form of the word "Personnel" is still "Personnel".

Bangkok Blues

I was devastated to hear that the Suan Lum Night Bazaar in Bangkok was closing down. To me, it was the only thing worth taking a flight up to Bangkok for. More than just wonderful, civilized shopping in the evening breeze and the huge beer garden surrounded by delicious hawker food and live entertainment, Suan Lum held a lot of happy memories for me.

Perhaps it is better this way, that my last memories of it were preserved this way.

Wherefore Art Thou, Sugar Daddy?

It's Monday and I'm home in the comforts of the hardworking air-conditioner and my loving bed. A terrible sore throat kept me up all night and this morning, I was debating if I should forsake the yearnful arms of my bed and go to work. My body won, against my weak will, and thank god too. Two hours past the time I was supposed to start work, I started to have the runs. Running to and from my bed and the loo, to the amusement of my cat, I clutched my Henry Miller and my tummy.

I miss having all the time in the world. It's been less than five months since I started work, but it seems like forever. You'd think I'd run out of things to do at home. I have the books by the nightstand vying for my attention, endless laundry to turn in my washer, a DVD waiting to be watched, travel photos to upload, posts to write, a cat to amuse... It sure beats sitting at my desk at work, twiddling thumbs and waiting for brainless work to be dumped on my table.

I need to find me a Sugar Daddy.

My Dinner

One of the problems with my job is the OT almost every month. Junk dinners at 930pm are simply tasteless. There goes my diet out the window.

What price, Happiness?

My grandma has gone home.

I visited her today. She had just woken up when I arrived at the familiar apartment at which I had spent four years of my life, just before I moved to my current place. She was surprised to see me, and was in high spirits; I was not sure if my arrival was the cause of her good mood. Whatever it was, she started talking animatedly as soon as I sat down on her bed.

It was like she was making up for lost time, the poor thing. She talked about the weather, asked about my work, and not before long, she began reminiscing about the past. This was "our thing", the little chat between grandma and her first grand-daughter. When I was growing up with her, we did it every mid-day, while we were having a little siesta. She'd tell me stories of her mother, the WWII, my dad, and uncles and aunties... I must have heard those stories hundreds of times. But don't misunderstand, I loved those stories. I lived her younger years through her stories, and I was the only one who knew what "the adults" were like when they were young. Not my brothers or my cousins. I was the first grandchild, it was my birthright.

Today, those stories went on and on. But I wasn't listening. I was taking in her voice, those gentle singing notes that illustrated the stories she regaled. It mattered to me because that voice is now precious to me. A little more than a week ago, that voice was possessed by ghosts. They were mere vapour condensations behind the heavy duty oxygen mask that covered most of her face and left heartbreaking bruises on her forehead, nose and cheeks. Each time pure oxygen was forced into her failing lungs, the sheer pressure from the machines would push her head back into the pillow and dry out her lips. She'd have to wait for two seconds before she could, with all her might, shout through the mask so that we could hear her. Even then, the vacuum behind the mask swallowed her words, and we would have to guess at what she was trying to say. Then we'd watch the beeping of the machine to make sure she remained within the required oxygen levels. I can't describe our frustrations; can you imagine hers?

I know my grandma will not live forever but if there was anything within my power to make that happen, I would do it. Because she has lived a wonderful life. Because she doesn't deserve this. I want her to go healthy, smiling, painless, and worry-free. But until then, I am but my grandma's favourite grandchild who will never do enough to make her as happy as I want her to be.

Because I'm in love.

No one knows more about being a woman than she does:

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."

Angela Anaїs Juana Antolina Rosa Edelmira Nin y Culmell

I want my man to hold the door for me, seat me at the dining table, guide me down the stairs, glare at any man who looks at me, arrest me with his smile, arouse me with his eyes, inspire me with his talents, surprise me with gifts, make me laugh heartily.

And he does.

Settling in.

China has never been a vacation destination in my book. However, I was glad I went. Despite experiencing firsthand the atrocious cultural differences and attitudes, and, of course, getting a whiff of the infamous eau de 'toilet', I must say it was a good trip. I've seen what I needed to see, ate what I needed to eat, walked where I needed to walk. Awed by the history of the country, I am suddenly proud to be Chinese.

And definitely, it was made even more bearable because I got to wake up next to you. Looking at the super single bed in my room now, it suddenly seems too spacious for me.

When are we we doing this again, love?

China Blue

It has been a tumultuous month.

The Lunar New Year came and went. And immediately after that, my grandma was admitted into ICU for the second time. She was on the brink of her last breath and the doctors were very pessimistic. She was not to have survived her first night there, but we kept vigil the entire night, and then the next night, and the next as well. It has been two weeks, and my grandma is still alive. I can't imagine what my life would be like if we had listened to the doctors and pulled that plug the very first night.

Five days after my grandma was admitted, I went overseas. The trip had been planned almost half a year ago, so the five days that I was at the hospital, I was fighting within myself. Would it be selfish of me if I went? Would I regret it if I didn't? Eventually, my mum, who had been very pragmatic and optimistic about the whole situation, asked me to go ahead. The evening before I left, I had whispered into my grandma's ear about my trip. She opened soft, almost translucent eyes, and nodded her head slightly. I grasped her fingers with mine and held back my tears as I stood beside her for an hour. I then went home to pack my bags and made for the airport.

It had been a quick and tiring 10 days. During the trip, I realised how my expectations and views of travelling have matured over the years. It's no longer about how many sights I see or how many things I buy; more important than the place of interest is the company. It makes the sky bluer and the bitter cold perfect for snuggling.

Damn, I'm already missing the weather over there.