You really must meet him someday.

How do you tell your galfriend that you can't stand her boyfriend?

I've thought over this and it didn't take long to come to the conclusion that :

1. I'm not jealous of their relationship (because if you've seen him you'll know what I mean).
2. No matter how many of his faults and disgusting mannerisms I heave upon her she'll never see my point cuz she's been blinded by love. (if you've seen him you'll know this has double meaning)
3. Because he now has my phone number (my silly friend unwittingly gave it to him) I'm now obliged to entertain his 'friendliness'.

He is totally NOT what she's looking for but she has claimed that she's very in love with him right now. Mon dieu! *presses palm to heart* You'll have to see him to know what I mean. I'm happy for her if she's found the right man but he's sooo wrong. Alright who am I to judge? But you just have to see him to... okay, I think you catch my drift. Well, since I can't tell her, I might as well disgust all of you with it. If you're one of the unlucky few to have met him, I dare you not to nod in agreement. Please make sure your breakfast/brunch/lunch/tea/dinner/supper has fully digested before you read this.

1. He has a whiney voice.
2. He's a year younger than her. He calls her 'Mummy'. Add whiney voice.
3. He likes to talk. Alot. About how knowledgeable he is. But tries to act really modest about it. Puh-leaze.
4. Within my earshot, he talks about their sexcapades and how horny he is. Add whiney voice. I don't really need to know how veiny his dick is.
5. He babytalks. Add whiney voice. It's like pouring vomit into my ears.
6. He makes jokes that are just barely, remotely funny. In a whiney voice. When I first met him I made polite laughter. Now I either blink and pretend I didn't hear it, or just look at him with pure pity in my eyes. Really, who makes jokes about expensive car fuel.
7. He's ugly. I lose my appetite just looking at him.
8. Do I really need to go on?
9. Did I mention he's a whiner? Rhymes with weiner.
10. You really need to meet him to know what I mean.

He claims to really love my friend and he acts really thoughtful and sweet and loving (especially in fron of all of us) but only J would be so gullible. I dunno, he doesn't give me good vibes. And it doesn't help that he texts me on my handphone. Argh my hair on my neck's standing on its ends.