Life's titbits

2 cockroaches were munching on rubbish. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless and the floors gleam. It's the most sanitary place I've ever seen." "Please," said the other cockroach. " Not while I'm eating!"

On his 1st day, a newcomer to prison heard the other inmates roar with laughter each time one of them called out a number. Mystified by this, he asked his cellmate what was happening. "We all know our jokes so well that, to save time retelling them, we've numbered them," he was told. Thinking he would join in, the newcomer shouted "208". To his amazement, the whole prison shook with laughter. The cellmate wiped tears from his eyes and commented, "We've never heard that one before."

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he walked straight instead of sideways. Wow! she thought. This crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they married immediately. The next day, she was dismayed to notice her husband walking sideways like all the other crabs. " What's happened?" she sobbed. "You used to walk straight before we married." "Oh darling" he said, "I can't drink that much everyday."

"I'm fed up with your jealousy," a wife tells her husband. "Do you think I don't realise you're having me followed by a private investigator who's tall, blond, has green eyes and is very nice, though a little shy at first?"

A young man phoned his mother and said, "Hi Mum. How are you?" "Not so good," she replied weakly. "I haven't eaten for 38 days." The son was shocked. "38 days! Why haven't you eaten for so long?" "I didn't want my mouth to be full of food when you called." said his mother.

"My sis gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room," one man said. "It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless."