Disgruntled.

A few weeks ago, I went back to an organisation I used to work in, to ask a favour of my ex-Executive. Not only did he gladly oblige, he went on and offered me a job. I laughed when he did, because both he and I knew exactly what I thought about the organisation. Trying really hard to persuade me, he said that the previous Manager had already left, and the entire Marketing Team had moved to another building. He seemed really enthusiastic about the idea of me coming back to work - overly so, in fact. I joked that the organisation would not be able to pay me what my previous job did, and that I don't want to do shiftwork anymore. He was taken aback, then nodding his head as if to convince himself, he said he would up the pay and arrange for me to do mid-shifts instead.

I'd be lying if I were to say I wasn't slightly seduced. After all, it was a familiar working environment and some of my ex-colleagues were still somewhere in the organisation. Most importantly, I was being offered an Executive position and - get this - he didn't even asked what my qualifications were. Nonetheless, I rejected his kind offer because I needed these two months to prepare for my exams, and though I do need the money, I really couldn't commit myself.

During the course of the weeks, I'd already forgotten about the offer. Until the smses started coming in. First, my ex-Executive (now the Manager, might I add) asked for my email so he could fill me in on the requirements of the job. Then he asked me to email him my resume. This sms I ignored because I had already told him that I have yet to update my resume and that I'm not ready to take on the offer. Next he went ahead and arranged an interview with his superior and expected me to turn up for it the next morning. "Forget the resume." he even said. Following that, he said he would email me the application form. He asked me to fill it up and let him know when I would be available for an interview and he would arrange it with his boss. I ignored all that. In fact, I was getting a bit suspicious. Are they really in need of staff or what?

Having failed in all his efforts, he finally bit the bullet this morning. He officially offered me the job. He is even willing to wait until my exams are over for me to start work.

Now I'm getting antsy. The idea of going back to the organisation did not excite me at all but I can't help but wonder if it's not a bad idea after all. Yes, I am guilty of being too lazy to go out and look for a proper job myself, always waiting for one to land on my lap, and one with good pay too. But I had left that organisation because I was unhappy there. After my recent resignation, I had promised myself that I would only settle down in a job where I was happy to spend the hours clocking work. Something I will enjoy doing. Something I wouldn't have to bring home and worry about. Something I can talk excitedly about to my friends.

But as I watch the digits in my bank account dwindle, I can feel my heart and my mind fighting wars. Sigh.